Welcome back to another season of Pros vs. Joes coverage here on Small White Ball – the only blog we know of to actually bring you regular recaps and analysis of the action in full gritty detail. Why? Uhhhh…why not?
There has been a lot of change this season as stalwart host Petros Papadakis is out and the duo of Fox Sports’ Jay Glazer and former NY Giants defensive menace Michael Strahan is in.
Additional changes: the name (Pros vs. Joes: All Stars) and the format. Now, three men compete in one sport as a team instead of against each other. If they beat the Pros, they each split (I think) $10,000 and advance (I think) to the next round. I’m not sure what was so bad about the old format as it had something for everyone, but I digress.
Let’s get to it!
Title: Shawn Kemp Crashes The Boards
Pros: Ron Harper, Eddie Jones, Shawn Kemp
Joes: Deshun Jackson, Danny Jones, Mark Reece
– There are also new graphics, which takes away from the grittiness of the old stuff. It almost looks too generic.
– For a guy that supposedly gained a ton of weight, Kemp doesn’t look too bad. Fatherhood 18 times over will do that to a guy, I guess.
– Deshun is already talking a ton of sh*t to the Pros. This is going to end badly for him.
– First up is Crash the Boards where the goal is to rebound and then outlet to a teammate. Best 3-of-5 wins it and early on, it’s obvious that you can foul as these guys are all over each other.
– Danny is up first against Kemp. Danny is a big dude, but Kemp is pushing him all
over the place.
– It must be cold in the gym as Eddie Jones has long sleeves on Not Ray Allen-like long sleeves mind you, but a
somewhat loose long sleeve shirt. Interesting.
– They are already having the new announce duo play specific roles: Glazer going for Joes and Strahan going
for Pros.
– Harper trash-talking: “You’re playing one of the best of all time.” Huh?
– Next up is the half court challenge where it’s 2 Joes vs. 3 Pros and the goal is to inbound the ball and cross half court with it. Since the Pros seemingly would have an advantage, I’m not sure why they would have the advantage but whatever.
– I love how the angle is that the Joes have been wronged by not being Pros, otherwise known as the ‘I never got the chance’ defense. Dude, you did have a chance coming up through high school or college and you weren’t good enough to be scouted. You didn’t have the opportunity to play against the best? Tough: it’s called life.
– The Pros showed their age and get smoked in the half court challenge 3-0. Deshun is talking a TON of sh*t now, specifically calling out Harper for
putting his hands on his shorts and leaning over in a show of tiredness.
– Next is the sharpshooter event which is kinda like Rock and Jock where you just shoot from all over
the place and rack up points. Deshun can’t back it up his smack talk and Jones leads to an 11-8 victory. Deshun had a chance to tie it up twice with a 3-pointer and missed both times. Awesome.
– I’ll put this out there: I don’t get this misspelling Snickers campaign. There is stuff all over
the place on this show and it seems, well, awkward?
– To finish off the show, we get five minutes of 3-on-3 with the Joes have a few points advantage because of their early victory.
– Kemp draws up a play, which is just a triangle somewhere around the hoop. Ok!
– The Pros get fired up before the game with a “Bust that ass on 3…1..2..3!” Surprisingly, no one farted much to my chagrin.
– Kemp after a block: “You all know what I do for a living, right?” Actually, we don’t. Desk clerk at a hotel? Janitor? Flower shop owner? I know you’re not a pro ball player anymore if that’s what you thought.
– Apparently, fouls can be called as Jones does a Vlade Divac-style acting job and gets a call. Even in a
fake competition, we see the foreign influence on the game.
– No one will drive inside for the Joes…just tossing up 3’s as they are scared of the block.
– Glazer and Strahan are giving commentary which is mediocre at best, complete with Strahan using a telestrater. Still have Petros’ cell on speed dial, Spike?
– Kemp missed three layup attempts and finally hits one. He has considerably curbed his trash-talking since earlier. He does eventually throw up a no-look prayer that hits, but they call
traveling.
– To help show the difference in experience, a graphic shows the three Pros have a combined 43,000 points in the NBA while the Joes have a combined eight years in college. Now that is funny sh*t.
– Joe Danny is outhustling everyone, outrebounding Kemp and hits a big putback to tie up the game 9-9. The Pros looks gassed and it’s true: age is the great equalizer in situations like this.
– Harper shockingly misses a free throw and it’s the Joes ball to win the game. But Harper pulls him
the shooter down before the shot in a ‘wily veteran’ move. You can’t teach instincts and even in a game like this, Harper hasn’t let his dull.
– We’re now in OT and the Pros are running out of steam but the Joes can’t shoot at all to take advantage. Eventually, they get up 12-9 after Danny hits a big free throw.
– Kemp says something intelligible as it becomes clear the
Pros have lost interest. Minutes later, the Joes win as Harper misses a long 3 to tie the game.
– I’m confused: is it $10k for each of the Joes for winning or do they split $10k? Let’s not overcomplicate things here, guys. What is going on?
– And of course, Deshun begins talking shit again to Harper who is laid out on the floor after the loss. Big surprise.
More next week!
Josh Nason is the publisher and main writer for New England sports and media blog Small White Ball and has been a Pros vs. Joes fan since the start. He can be reached at josh [at] smallwhiteball [dot-com].
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